I Have No Idea What I’m Doing With My Life…

To tell you the truth. I have no freaking clue.

I sit here on a Tuesday night at 11:40 pm with my glass of water and my laptop questioning… everything.

Fresh off of a job interview, and a quick venting session with one of my closest friends; I find myself at a loss as to where my life is going, and what I should be doing.

I honestly thought I had it figured out. I found the PR program at my university and fell in love, 2 internships, 2 student organizations, an on-campus job in university housing and 4 years later; I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree, a should be a proud moment filled with fear and hopelessness.

I see everybody else graduating, and somehow within months posting their announcement Facebook status’ about the super cool new position they’ve just accepted, perfect for somebody who’s getting started in their career, but where do I fit in?

I noticed in my employment hiatus that I was fulfilling that judgment faced on millennials today, putting in half effort and expecting something to be handed to me.

The part I found interesting is that I did not even notice that I was doing it, I was submitting my resume on countless positions posted, getting no results, and complaining about it.

I’ve quickly changed my tactics to a more targeted approach, only applying for those positions that peak my interest yet I hear the same responses plaguing people my age. Lack of experience, “We’ve decided to consider other candidates at this time,” or no response at all… Which always feels great.

The one thing that I can say I have learned about the job search.. It’s that it will take any ounce of confidence you have in yourself and rip it out leaving a weak scared, insecure person in a tie and dress shirt.

One thing that has also come out of the job search is that I’m always second guessing my career choice. Should I have become a doctor? Engineer? Accountant?

Was I wrong to choose a degree in something I enjoyed? Something that was so vast that it makes the actual duties of that career unbearably vague?

To tell you the truth. I have no freaking clue.

I have no idea if this was the path I was supposed to take. My destiny could be as an art director. Granted, I have no clue what makes art… art.. and I couldn’t tell you the value of a painting if my life depended on it. Anyway back to the point.

I have no fucking clue what I’m doing with my life. I see job postings for positions that I could honestly see myself doing, but would that be wrong of me to go against what I spent $30,000 in student loans on?

I try to take the advice of others. My mother would just tell me “Do what makes you happy!” Thanks, mom, reality TV makes me happy. I need income, but I don’t want to hate my life 10 years from now because I decided to take a job simply because of the money.

Reality TV makes me happy. I need income.

So now I sit here and wonder, what the heck am I going to do? Maybe I should take some of those random jobs just to see if they peak my interest, to see if maybe I still have some room to grow as a person?

I joke sometimes that I’m just winging it. Then I see people who are well into their careers, people who have nice things, people who post their announcements of that cool new position they just accepted post graduation and wonder… Are we all just winging it?

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One thought on “I Have No Idea What I’m Doing With My Life…

  1. I can tell you without a doubt, we are all just winging it. I’ve applied for countless positions and interviewed with lots, only to be told “no” almost immediately after ALL of them. Or of course, the cold shoulder. Nothing turns hope and excitement around faster than constant rejection. You start questioning yourself rather than your qualifications. I would say to keep applying for positions that peak your interest, degree related or not. You got this!

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